Published on April 19th, 2010. Updated on July 18th, 2010 with the "teenz 4 life" entry.

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I have many young people on my friend lists across the Internet. Lots of teenagers on my Facebook, and I probably forever will. So I really want to write this. I'm not a teenager anymore, I am officially an adult with responsibilities and a fully developed brain just waiting to begin rotting when I am 30 years old. This article is about the growth of a teenager - up to 21 years old - and why I love you kids so much.

My Teenage Years

Get ready for a trip down memory lane so you can better understand where I'm coming from. Hooey, let me tell you: I look back at my teenage years now with disgust. I think if you are 21 years old and cannot look back at your teenage years with some sense of evolution or progress, you are probably doomed to be a teenager forever. Some people do stay teenagers forever. That is not important right now.

When I was a kid in 8th grade, I thought I was so cool. I had friends, I was invited to parties, there were the 'wiggas' which meant 'white nigga', but I wasn't a part of them. It was a very small 8th grade class, so the two factions were the 'wiggas' and the 'other people'. The other people played Magic: The Gathering and our parties involved eating a lot, playing video games and cards, and sometimes just walking around town being silly. I was a cool dude back then, and I hadn't even hit puberty.

Yes yes, I was a late bloomer. I was late, apparently, to everything in my teenage years: due to my life during middle school consisting mostly of Catholic "proper" schooling, and playing video games, I had no concept of the real world. I stress that I thought I was really at the top, once more. "I was such a nerd in 6th and 7th grade, ugh!" I would say to myself. Well, I entered high school. The real world, where my mother told me if I said 'wigga' I would get beaten up. (I would have) I had my bright Hawaiian shirts, and my blue jeans, and my buzzcut. I was clueless. Around the middle of my freshman year I started to get a clue, and my friend Nick taught me all about how to look like a rocker. Mind you, this was 2004, and goths were just getting out of style, to the point where Nick had one of his shirts that said, "You hate me because I'm different, I hate you because you're all the same." and man, I could really identify with that... kinda. He told me anyway. "You get a chain ball necklace like me, and you can just get some black shirts and your jeans are fine." I was finally going to fit in. I had actually dealt with some bullying in the beginning of the year, but I found some otaku to identify with, so I sat at that lunch table instead.

The recurring theme popped up again, as I finally got comfortable as a "rocker" - wow, I was such a loser in 8th grade! I'm so cool now! Well, this went on about every year of high school. I was actually pretty sentient about it, wondering how I'd change and how "cool" I would be as a big tough senior. I went from rocker with no one to hang out with during Summer, to finding a whole bunch of great friends in sophomore year, getting into heavy metal, and even wanting to be a pro wrestler. I was on the wrestling team, too. In my junior year I had to quit wrestling to get a job at Tim Horton's, and I dropped the idea of becoming a pro wrestler so I could be, AND I QUOTE: "a Flash animator and heavy metal band member". I have no artistic or singing skill. Back then was no different. That ended quickly. As a senior I started to get a clue about real life and stopped putting baby oil into my hair to make it look greasy. After I graduated and got into the real world, I said it again, "High school was fun, but damn I was such a loser back then!"

Phases and Radicality

The moral of this story is that as a teenager, you are still growing and changing radically. You are still learning, you are still forming your personality to see what works for you. It is not uncommon for teenagers to refer to something as merely "stupid" if they don't like it, because that's how teenagers are. Some are particularly rebellious, while others (like myself) have no reason to rebel because their parents are pretty cool. Research suggests that the ability to fully comprehend a situation is not physically possible until around 16 years old, some studies suggesting even up to 21 years old. That's just physically; if I had to compare the way I acted on the Internet three years ago to the way I act now, it'd be no contest. If you are a teenager, you really must embrace the state you are in now, because it is wonderful. As a 21-year-old man, I will undoubtedly change a little, and of course I'll always be learning, but I won't be radically changing like a teenager would, because I already learned what works for me. I have formed a core personality.

Something I'm going to touch upon is the concept of 'phases' - acting a certain way because you're still experimenting with how you want to be. When I was growing up, mother convinced herself that my 'goth stuff' (wearing black shirts and jeans) was a phase. For a lot of people, it really is. Goth (or dark clothes in general) is such a great target for phases because it is everything most teenagers want to be: noticed, accepted, and rebellious. Just like every other respectable phase, the kids eventually move on to normal clothes, which include a variety of colors and styles for various situations.

I never stopped liking wearing all black, but it was never about anti-conformity, or trying to get noticed. When I started to wear darker clothes, yes it was a radical change from my Hawaiian shirts, but it was actually how I'd always been; even when watching wrestling, Jeff Hardy's style intrigued me. I'm not going to pretend I don't enjoy looking different from everyone else, but if everyone happened to dress this way, I'd still do it because that's what I'm comfortable in. I should mention, however, that my style from teenager years to adult has changed from an in-your-face-hot-topic style, to a more minimalistic preference. Where I once had uber-expensive tripp pants, I now have black, generic cargo pants. When working with my father, it is no problem to wear my wardrobe to work and get paint on them, because I do not, and don't foresee I will ever give a damn about how my clothes make others feel.

An annoying aspect of phases is when people think I'm still in one. Wearing your pants down to your ankles at 27 years old is being stuck in a (pathetic) phase. Preferring black paint for my room, creating a new character in a game and making them as grim as possible, or laughing at dark humor, is my taste, and is not a phase. Some people will forever misunderstand this. I really would like to wear trenchcoats, because I like them a lot, but it's impossible to wear them without having everyone looking at you, either out of interest or snooty mockery. As a teenager, I didn't mind the attention. I grew, as teenagers do, and now the enjoyment of wearing a trenchcoat is not worth the attention of others.

Agism

A common notion towards teenagers is that they are rude, ignorant, selfish, rebellious, attention-seeking parasites; this notion gives people a good reason to look down on them. Unfortunately for teenagers, those words tend to be true of them. The best thing you can do as a teenager is to be the opposite of that notion. Whether you've defined your core personality or not, I will always suggest further education in every aspect of life that interests you, but to my younger readers I suggest you think about each of the words I said, and wonder if they apply to you:

Rude: are you rude; do you have good table manners? How opposed to authority are you?

Ignorant - you're probably not ignorant if you're reading my articles, no worries there.

Selfish: everyone is selfish, but are you giving back what you get? If so, in that you are treated poorly, can you be certain of the reason you're being treated poorly? If you are being treated poorly and thus act out against the oppresor(s), you are also contributing to the problem. A great skill to learn in life is how to hold your tongue when someone is trying to upset you. [this does not include valid criticisms that, as a youngster, you should be ready to defend against]

Rebellious: if you are rebellious, what reasoning do you have for it? Will further rebellion make the quality of your life higher or lower?

Attention-seeking: not always a bad thing, but how empty are you of proper (emotional/physical) care? Are you sure no one pays attention to you? If so, try impressing them with how smart a teenager can be.

I will give you a moment to reflect on all those things right now. You can do this if you aren't a teenager, too.

Listen to this beautiful piano (3:11) while you reflect.

Now, to the name of this category: agism. There's not much more that will upset me than when someone who does not deserve the feeling of superiority, enacts it anyway. Parents, for example, might feel entitled to telling you what to do. When you're a kid, this is generally good advice: don't touch the stove, don't play with electrical sockets, and don't invest stock in nuclear power. As a teenager, this is usually good advice too: don't go have sex with that scumbag, don't shoot heroin, get good grades.

However, as a teenager, some parents also start demanding expectations out of you. These are not always fair. It is the teenager's time to grow and learn about the world, and one of the worst things you can do is tell them they can't have a relationship, or they can't get a piercing. Tattoos are permanent; wait until you're older. That's a fair request. However, I have seen cases when the parent commands the child to get a haircut, or to dress how the parent wants them to. I cannot think of a more pathetic maneuver one could make than to force someone to be a half-baked replica of them. It's as if, in this case, the parent subconsciously realizes the child finally has the ability to form their own person, and in a selfish bout of superciliousness, does the best they can do stop it.

Unfortunately, I do not have much of a solution for teenagers who are under fire from such things; in our poor economy it is hard for me to suggest this, but try your best to become self-sufficient of them. You may have to endure them for longer than you want to, but if you can save up six months' rent and expenses for an apartment, you should be safe... assuming you find a decent job.

Tips 4 Teenz

* A good argument for high school relationships is that they are almost certainly bound to fail. All of mine did, of course. The reason is because of the 'radicality and phases'. You may go well for a little while, and explore sexuality, but there's no reason to believe that when you're graduating high school and entering the real world, you'll be the same person you were in high school. The changing usually causes young couples to split up, which is why you really shouldn't get too worked up about it if you do. It doesn't help that people have become very consumeristic about their relationships, either.

* In life, you need something to get you by. You can have some crappy $10/hour job, and it'll keep you afloat, but you need to have some greater plan in mind. No matter what the people at school tell you, college is not required for success. In fact, the school system is quite flawed , and college will become more and more irrelevant as time goes on. If you're an artist, you can hold down a decent job while creating a web comic - however, you typically need to either be really good at drawing to do a serious comic, or really funny in order to have people come back. Designing the web with a unique idea is great as long as you can find a way to market it as well as cover costs. In a way, the 'net offers a new frontier which is slowly being eaten up. Like the gold rush, the 'net has a lot of potential to make yourself quite rich. I suggest to all who aren't sure of what they want to do in life, to really look into the potential made available with the Internet.

Teenz 4 Life

A worrying thought came to me recently. It was such: "in the past months since writing this article, I have learned a lot, and various parts of my personality have changed. I hope I'm not a hypocrite when I say that someone 21+ in age will not be changing this much." After ruminating around the idea for a while, and reading this very article, I put my qualm to rest. I do not mean to imply that once you age 21 years, boom, you're done, you're "all grown up". Realistically, I shouldn't even be giving a number, but I want some objective point from which to say that you are probably experienced enough in the world to have formed a major part of your personality. Indeed, twenty-one is just that: a guideline. If you are reading this article, you are probably a learner. I write for learners under the assumption that they will read every word. Being a learner, then, you are constantly exposing yourself to new ideas and potential criticisms on the beliefs you hold. Changing your stance on the legalization of marijuana is a reflection of your personality changing, but it's by no means a serious blow to your core personality. It is thus not accurate to suggest that just because someone changes their views on even a very important matter, that they were not fully "grown up".

Conclusion

Young people should embrace this time and try to learn as many new ideas as they can. Try to look back to something as simple as the books you've read, or movies you've watched, when you were younger. See how your perspective has changed. It is usually best for a teen to take their parent's advice, unless that advice is stopping them from growing up and experiencing the world. Don't forget you need something in life to make you financially stable. Whatever you do, just make sure you're happy and you don't hurt others in the process. Above all, whatever your age, keep learning. Open yourself to criticism, and be open to criticize others. The exchange of ideas is incredibly pertinent to your cognitive and personal development.

Another cog in the murder machine,
Vael Victus